Foreign Worlds Await

 By Bob Carson 

Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, magazines and newspapers were printed on paper.  It was a strange, wonderful world, a world where people called editors, assigned stories.  This world led me to another strange world.

 My response to the suggestion that I review a movie playing at the 29th Annual Cleveland International Film Festival was a heavy sigh and exaggerated eye rolling.  For a guy who paid his bills writing for magazines about gambling, horseracing and baseball, attending an artsy film festival seemed like asking a giraffe to limbo.

 My mental picture of a film festival was an event similar to the ballet, the operaor art galleries – all of which I had sampled under duress with painful results.   Like many of you, my theatrical entertainment preferences were endless spell-binding hours immersed in quality television programming like Ice Road Truckers, Die Hard, Hillbilly Hand Fishing and The Fake Real Life Adventures of Basketball Player’s Wives Wearing too Much Make-up.

 Fully prepared to hate the film and mock the event, I fired up my rusty Buick Regal, grabbed a pen and ventured from the suburbs of Strongsville to the wilds of Cleveland where I expected to be mugged and even worse – face downtown parking.  The parking problem is, of course, what keeps 96 percent of suburbanites from going downtown.

 Guess what? Parking for the Cleveland Film Festival was FREE and EASY.  You simply drive into Tower City (for those of you who have not been downtown since Dennis Kucinich was Mayor, Tower City is beneath the Terminal Tower).  You just take a ticket out of the meter at the gate, the theater will validate the ticket and you drive out for free.  I loved this!  Some days I went just to get the free and easy parking. 

 Now that the parking terror is addressed, many of you may now actually consider attending this event.  You should.  After six years (and much free parking), allow me to give you some insight to a Film Festival.

• The pace of foreign films is somewhat more languid than American movies.  The average shot length (ASL) of a film is a cinemetrical measurement.   For example, a movie like The Mist has a length of 117 minutes and consists of 1,292 shots.  I recall a film from a country that ended in something-stan than lasted 108 minutes and had so few camera shots it may have been an oil painting.

• You will not see Nicolas Cage, Bruce Willis or Jennifer Aniston.   Rarely will you see commercial American film standbys such as explosions, car chases, gunplay, loud sound tracks, or forensic investigations.  Actors in many foreign films look like real people; some are quite homely. I once watched an Israeli romance starring a delightful leading lady who went an easy 300 pounds followed by a French film where a guy that looked like a hairy troll bedded several nymphets. This is quite empowering.  You strut out of the theater feeling self-confident.

•  Yes, many of the films are subtitled.  Get over it. If you can read at a fifth grade level and have the attention span of a fruit fly, subtitles are not a big deal. Plus, if you get a real stinker of a subtitled film a cool game is to try to decipher the words before peeking at the subtitle.

• You get to vote. On the way into the theater they give you a ballot, on the way out they collect it. You rate the film. You do not even need a pencil, you just fold corners.

• You feel like you are part of an elite club. Film folks often strike up conversations about which films they enjoyed and which films should not have received a visa. I spoke to a lady who winked and told me she had pre-purchased tickets for 27 different films over the 10 days.  I was in line once and some guy, a complete stranger, walked over and whispered, “Skip this one, it’s not worth it.” Several of us dashed towards another theater (there are about a dozen showing movies simultaneously).

A few more tidbits to consider if you decide to stick your toe into the International Film Festival world:

Try not to not sit in the first row of a subtitled film, or you will feel like you are at a tennis match.

For those of us who are between or finished with employment, the afternoon films are much less crowded.

Talking before and after the film is encouraged.

Talking during the films is punishable by death.

Mini-movies, called shorts, may precede a film at no extra charge.  They last for a few minutes and reminded me of cartoons that played at the movies when I was a kid.  Sometimes they bundle up a bunch of these and run what is called a Shorts Program.

A producer, director or actor may speak after a film (very cool).

The 35th Cleveland International Film Festival runs March 24 to April 3.   There is nothing to be afraid of.  The experience is like going to a movie at your local mall except that the product on the screen is different.  Google Cleveland International Film Festival and scan thru the menu of hundreds of films that will be shown near the food court of Tower City.  Pick out a couple that tweak your interest.  Be brave.

Give the Film Fest a try, or two.