There's nothing like the Police Blotter for a good chuckle sometimes.
Mixed in with the usual news are offbeat crimes, less-than-bright criminals and some downright wacky reports.
We'll run a series all this week of some of the best Police Blotter items of 2011.
Suspect is Hairy, with Fangs
An anonymous caller complained about 3:30 a.m. April 24 that someone on Lenox Drive was howling at the moon -- and had been for several hours.
Oughta Be a Law
at called police because a man refused to pay his bill, saying his date should have to fork over the cash.
Seems the man was on a blind date, which went badly. The woman insulted him and left the restaurant after eating her meal -- but before the check came.
The man argued he should not have to pay for her meal because that was not in the "blind dating rules."
Sadly, Ohio law doesn't recognize those rules and the man had to pay up.
Cherry Tree Drive resident reported a loud argument in another apartment about 2:25 a.m. March 17, saying she could hear a woman screaming.
When police arrived, they heard the screams, too, but "it was by no means a domestic; they were getting along just fine," a report said. The officer did not make contact with the tenants.
Police were called to Strongsville Boulevard after someone found a trash bag in the middle of the street with animal parts in it.
Officers determined the white trash bag was filled with pieces of mallard duck, like breasts and wings, sealed in plastic bags. It may have fallen from a hunter's car.
Police were called to Albion Road at 5:45 a.m. about a man and woman standing outside yelling at each other.
The couple told police they went outside to argue because they didn't want to wake up the other people in the house. Apparently, they had no such qualms about waking the neighbors.
That's Not Marijuana, It's Iguana
Police were called to the Chestnut Lake Apartments when someone reported smelling marijuana coming from one of the units.
Officers said they did not smell marijuana. The tenant told police he lives with six lizards and was burning incense to cover up that smell.
An anonymous caller reported a small child carrying an American flag as she walked on Pearl Road. The caller said it looked odd.
A woman called from Chatman Drive about 10:30 p.m. April 14 saying she saw a man who seemed high or drunk yelling "Siamese cat" very loudly. The man was heavyset and his his 20s.
A Pearl Road family found a bag of blood and syringe at their front door April 13 and told police they had been getting harassing phone calls.
Police determined both the syringe and blood were fake.
A strange odor brought police to the Village Square Apartments on Royalton Road.
Officers traced the odor to a first-floor unit. The manager did not have a key for it, but it wasn't necessary -- a report said that "trash leaked from the (apartment) and into the hall."
Looking inside, officers saw all kinds of garbage piled up. The manager said she would speak to the tenants when they got home.
Three young men caught trespassing in an Albion Road told police they were there to dig for buried treasure.
An acquaintance had told them he was an heir to John D. Rockefeller and had buried money there.
They went all the way out to the barn before realizing the story sounded a bit, well, stupid. They had already quit digging when police arrived.
Deer Do Yoga?
A Pine Needle Trail resident called police about 1:45 a.m. after hearing loud breathing by her back window. The woman said she did not know if it was a large animal.
He Said, She Said
A woman shopping at was approached by a man dressed as a woman, who asked her to look at his legs and then lifted his skirt.
The woman screamed and the man ran out the door.
The cross-dresser was described as tall and wearing a black skirt, pantyhose and a tan coat with a fur hood. He was also carrying a black purse to match his skirt.
And Another Thing, Fluffy
Police were called to a Whitney Road apartment after an employee heard a woman screaming at her young child, asking "Do you want me to kill you?" and "I can't take this any more -- you're going to live with your father."
Police spoke with the woman, who said she was yelling those things to her cat. Officers checked the boy and said he had no marks or bruises.
A barking dog report led to a wild goose chase of sorts when police discovered they could not only hear a dog, but all sorts of other animals like bobcats, geese and ducks, coming from a resident's yard.
The resident said he was upset because his neighbor feeds the wild geese, which then leave the byproducts of those meals all over his yard.
So he purchased a $500 sound chip that is guaranteed to keep the geese away.
Police told him to turn down the volume, then told the neighbor she can no longer feed the geese.
Protect, Serve and Tech Support
Police came to the rescue for a woman who said men doing obscene things keep popping up when she's on Skype. An officer reconfigured her settings to block the spam.
An anonymous caller told police she had seen a car so full of trash, she doubted the driver could see out the windows.
PPolice located the vehicle, unoccupied, at and left a written warning about the lack of a clear view.
Teen Calls 911 Rather than Do Chores
Two 911 hang-up calls took police to a Whitney Road apartment when dispatchers could hear yelling and screaming in the background.
Officers learned a 14-year-old had called 911 twice during a dispute with her father, who wanted her to put away the dishes.
Officers advised the teen on the proper use of 911 -- and that she should listen to her father.
Just Plain Mean
Someone broke into a Whitney Road apartment and killed the resident's fish.
Police said the apartment door was broken and there were bubbles in the fish tank as if someone had poured in soap. The fish were reportedly exotic and expensive.
An elderly man walking in the roadway at Sprague and Pearl aroused the concern of a motorist who noticed he was carrying a hospital bag, looked disheveled and was wearing plastic bags on his feet.
Police said the man did look rumpled, but said he was waiting for a bus. He was wearing plastic bags because he has a prosthetic leg.
No Worries Here, Either
A would-be domestic dispute had a happy ending after a Chatman Drive resident reported hearing a man yelling at his mother through the apartment wall.
Police found the son wasn't being disrespectful. The mother is hard of hearing and the son has to yell to be understood.