Put Your Big Girl Panties On And Deal With It

"Caring is our curse. If we don't care, we won't get hurt. But if we didn't care, the world would be a dark place to live. We have to deal with it and realize that life isn't fair." This past week has been one of the more stressful weeks of my life as I found out through a routine visit to the pediatrician, that my son inherited a serious and potentially deadly heart condition from none other than me. Last week, I was exhausted from wrestling with the fear, sadness, and anger that comes along with any grim diagnosis. Fear and sadness would creep up on me, like a lion stalking its prey, and succumb me in a blanket of darkness almost to the point to where I can hardly breath. I often burst into tears for no reason at all. This week? Not so much. Logan already had one heart condition, and now he has another. I just got done telling him that we were the lucky ones. We were lucky to have found out the first time and that everything was going to be okay-- and now this. Tomorrow we find out if my younger son has it. Yes, I have had nothing but a pity party for myself for the past few days. But the party is over and it's time to move on. Sometimes when we struggle, it feels as though God has forsaken us. In one of my "I think God has forgotten about me" moments, my beautiful friend Jen suggested that I was so wrapped up in my emotions, that I am actually missing what God is doing. I stopped, and pushed all of my emotions aside for a second and saw Logan getting his diagnosis (most people never know they have this condition until the unthinkable happens); I saw myself calling the pediatric cardiologist only to be told by his secretary that there were no openings until January. The next day, however, my cell phone rang, and it was the cardiologist saying that he was going to make time for Logan and Owen instead of having to wait until January. We see him tomorrow. I joined a support group on Facebook (of all places), and hooked up with a woman from Cleveland whose son has the same rare condition. She is helping us navigate a trip to the Mayo Clinic since there are no specialists in this area. I saw the angel from my dream, and was reminded of her beautiful words, "Do Not Fear". I saw that even in this storm, God is working on my behalf, but I had been too blinded by my own emotions to see it. Wow. We are the lucky ones. God is working this for our good. Thank you Jen. I love you. Life isn't fair. Everyone has something it seems- and if they don't now, they will eventually. It's not fair for my friend Mar whose daughter was just diagnosed with Tourettes; it's not fair for Lalea who battles kidney disease everyday; it's not fair for Melissa who has a special needs son; it's not fair for Aaron whose first grade daughter has cancer; it's not fair for Kelly who has twins with autism; it's not fair for Kellie whose son will stop breathing if he even smells a peanut. Life isn't fair. No one said it would be. It is what it is. It's how you deal with the unfairness of it all that counts. My pity party is over and I won't have another. I am putting on my big girl panties and dealing the cards I have been dealt. The peace of God is only felt once you accept the life He has given you. I do trust God with all of my heart (Logan) and all of my soul (Owen) and I am really optimistic about the future. I will pay close attention to what He is doing rather than focus on what I think He's not doing. It's in God's hands. Feeling sorry for myself is not who I am, nor the type of person I ever want to be. I will never have the "why me?" attitude. And if I ever do, please slap me back into reality. I'm the type of person who trusts God. Period. There is a quote that reads, "Trust is not a passive state of mind. It is a vigorous act of the soul by which we choose to lay hold of the promises of God and cling to them despite the adversity that at times seeks to overwhelm us." Amen. Posted by thoughts from a wandering mind at 7:37 AM No comments: Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to Facebook Labels: God in the storm, heart condition, life isn't fair Monday, October 21, 2013